The Bad Gay Corrects You.
Thursday, August 9, 2012 at 1:05PM Excuse me? Hi. You're wrong. Or rude. Either way, I'm pulling cards.
Lesbians are awesome. First of all, you need to get your life together. I should just stop there, but I won't. I want to be useful. I swear I'm going off on the next queer who disrespects the language of someone's identity and makes some sour face at the notion of the word 'lesbian'. There is nothing antiquated or problematic about a woman loving another woman and identifying as such. Why queerness is trying to gentrify the language of sexuality is beyond me. FYI: Everything you do that is queer is not because of the glory of the anonymous Internet, or the new school androgynous stylings of youth, or the on-the-books repealing of DOMA (cause you can't repeal ignorance...sadly), or the wonderful stylings of Ellen Degeneres and Erick McCormack on prime time television at the turn of the century. Everything—and you should remember this because it should FOREVER inform the humility you bring to your community—is made entirely possible by dykes and butches and lesbians and homosexuals and bisexuals who lived before you and continue to live today. See the real issue is that for all the annoyance you feel for the word 'lesbian' I bet you'd be hard pressed to name 10 'lesbians' who were instrumental in the detangling of your human rights* socially or legislatively. If that's too labor intensive a thought, how about this: instead of focusing on how the word doesn't fit you, focus on how you missed the lesson that there is no room to do to the world what has been done to you. Undo the inclination to scoff at your roots.
The balance of masculinity and femininity in a queer/homo relationship is actually quite lovely. I need you to immediately cease-fire on what are being reductively called 'hetero-normative' relationships. I need you to understand that some people like that shit and ain't nothing wrong with them. I need you to give permission to your community to behave in a way that is true to themselves, even if what they want is a daddy-mommy house, two.5 kids, a dog named Bobo and the full directTV NFL package. That sounds terribly boring but you get my point. I need you to understand that for many bois, there is no greater compliment to our whole everything than a brilliant, amazing femme. There is no one I'd rather be loved by, no one I'd rather dance with, no one I'd rather fuck, no one I'd rather make a life with. The nuances of my yin to her yang (or vice versa) are none of your business. And I can't understand why you, dear queer, ever think that they are. Your mistake is oppressive. If seeing that dynamic stresses you out; if it makes you uncomfortable or feel stunted...take some deep breaths and understand it isn't your dynamic to stress about. Patriarchy, misogyny, racism, sexual harassment, domestic violence—let's talk about and conscientiously attack those things. But not how I love opening her car door and she loves it too. That doesn't fit into the box you are trying to place it in.
Stop pretending you don't fuck men when you're in queer relationships/circles/spaces. That's cowardly and it's misleading. It doesn't have to be that you get on a bullhorn and announce the spectrum of your sexual preference—that's not what I mean. What I mean is, don't go out of your way to make sure you never own that part of your sexuality. Love who you love. The point of the world we're trying to create and live in is that it's all good, as long as you are keeping it safe and keeping it real. You can't be doing either of those things if you're being dishonest. Many of us don't care. Some of us do. Those who do deserve to be considered. This is not a mean girls lunch table (and if you feel like it is, you need better friends). You will not be banished for liking bio-dick and taco meat chest hair in addition to pussy and straps and soft cuddling. FYI.
(Most of) You are not a brand. You are a person. Probably a person who was (or is) very awkward in high school. A person who does things that, like every person, they are excited or ashamed to share with the world. You may even don a new haircut, embrace a different aesthetic, make a life-plan of action. You are probably a person who has hobbies, talents and amazing ideas right before falling asleep. Brands do not do these things. People do. The disease of branding hit us queerdos hard. People out here with tattoos the same font as the headline on their tumblr page, thinking that = something. They are an artist, I am being told. There is no portfolio. They use Instagram. Their subjects didn't realize they were “subjects” or that it was a shoot/session/cipher because they are your homies and you were out at Dallas BBQ.
I just can't anymore, y'all. I have to speak up. That's not a brand, that's called being 19 in 2012. And if you're hovering in that age range, I think that's awesome. If you're not that's okay too, I'm just trying to mirror what I see. Marinate on it. It's okay to just be...someone who enjoys making art without commodifying it or yourself right? I mean, if I'm not right and you're like, “No, TBG! I really am trying to work on building a brand, in fact, I invest hours and hours thinking about my work and how I can impact the world and that tumblr page is really real to me,” then please email me ASAP. We have work to do.
Stop trying to sleep with your friend's partners. It is not reflective of the openness of our spectrums, it is reflective of your deep and sad insecurity about being wanted, popular and loved. We all seem to have accepted that “we all sleep with each other” (a la L Word chart) and that commitment is passé and shit happens. To that I say: you're a mess and I hereby sprinkle love-yourself-better fairy dust all over you. In the name...
The fact that you don't read books is devastating. If I could squeeze my manifesto in 140-characters or one of those weird photos-of-text, I would. Cause then at least I know you'd read it. Alas, my manifesto is too long. It's too deep. (Giggity.) So I won't go into to it, except to say: I was not a child who sought refuge at the library. I was a child who sought refuge by glueing giant rocks to my teacher's desk and smoking cigarettes in the stairwell of my apartment building when I should've been in 7th period. For years, I was sent to read as a punishment. I thought I was being cute by consciously forcing myself to enjoy it. I say that to say, I am a nerd, yes, but not one from birth. It's an effort. I know reading books can be annoying. I honestly do. When you don't do it often it puts you to sleep, it gives you headaches, somewhere around page 124 it feels like an insurmountable task and maybe a little boring. It is the antithesis of a computer, it is a lonely act. All those things are true.
But so is this: Books of consequence are powerful and worth the effort. There is a reason Ceasar got to Egypt, freaked out and burned down Alexandria (I'll let you do research on that). There is power in books. I can't overstate the truth in that. Everything about your world changes when you commit to and finish a book that strikes you.
You need an example? Audre Lorde taught me how to eat pussy. And that worked out great.
Bam.
-TBG.
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The Bad Gay finally has a twitter. Like, as of an hour ago. Follow the foolishness here: @the_bad_gay. Look out for a homo.
*Barbara Jordan, Countee Cullen, Mable Hampton, Chavela Vargas, Lorraine Hansberry, Gladys Bentley, Ma Rainey, Gloria Anzaldúa, Nella Larsen, Noxolo Nogwaza...get to work.
bklyn boihood, bois will be bois, the bad gay in The Bad Gay
Reader Comments (5)
Brilliant. Thank you for this much needed diatribe.
I love this. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE.
Great article.
As a fellow sarcastic ass. I love this. And if you are anything like this in person, I will love you. Possibly more.
Great article. Thank you.