summer.lovin.deferred
Tuesday, May 25, 2010 at 12:55AM written by: femisogynist
It has to be hilarious listening to someone who was letting the weather dictate their willingness to entertain a romance. How do you rationalize connecting two things that are so completely unrelated?
“I mean, I like her a lot...but it's too hot outside, dude. Maybe in the fall.”
I'll tell you EXACTLY how we rationalize this thought—because it's the most sound reasoning in all of logic. It's self explanatory, it's more scientifically tested and reliable than the statistics on global warming. I hold on to the goodness of this notion like it's the 11th Commandment.
All my Brooklyn friends keep telling me that summer in Brooklyn is going to be an out of body experience for me. Last year, moving, a new job and wack women consumed all the time I should have devoted to enjoying what NYC has to offer. There were a few good moments sprinkled in, but I spent a lot more time stressing than enjoying myself. This is my first summer fully immersed in the greatness that is Brooklyn, spending every moment I can attending shows, partying, walking through the streets, and most importantly of all, meeting new women.
I love women (not love, LOVE), and there is an overflow of beautiful women in New York. If you're not from the area, it's easy to appreciate the variety the city has to offer. I've met beautiful African women, Latin women, artists, dancers, poets, photographers, teachers, activists, and yes, strippers (Don't judge me...a beautiful woman is a beautiful woman.) The choices are overwhelming, sometimes maddening.
Yes, AJ loves choices. I'm the kind of person who will try every flavor combination from Ben & Jerry's, endure all sorts of bad breath from every new Doritos invention, and I made Stride my new favorite brand of gum because the packs come in so many different colors and names. I love variety. So when two things that I love merge together (variety and women), both of my heads explode. Hehe.
It seems silly to have this bachelor mentality, since honestly, I've never been the type to get around. I'm somewhat shy, in social settings I keep to myself. If women are paying attention to me at all, I tend not to notice...and the ones I do notice, I almost never talk to. At least, that's been my pattern since my late teens. But Brooklyn has a different breed of woman, and they don't allow you to be inconspicuous. Brooklyn women are ravenous, they come after you with tenacity, and I cannot complain at all. Their forwardness turns me into the bolder version of myself, for better or for worse. And my appetite for women has only increased since being here.
This is why I'm nervous about the amount of focus I've been giving to one particular woman of late. She's not even in Brooklyn, and entirely too much of my day is spent either talking to her or wondering why I'm not talking to her. She's beautiful, she's smart, she cracks me up...she's everything I'd ask for from a woman, IF I wanted a woman around. But it's hot outside, and women are in heat...entertaining that would be crazy.
I guess with that mindset comes my current philosophy that women ruin lives. And by women, I mean all the pretty faces walking the streets in their sundresses, waiting to latch onto unsuspecting bois like myself and castrate us. No matter if you're in a “relationship” or not, as soon as you start having feelings, women do everything in their power to make sure you never have fun again. Women hate us. You may think your women loves you, but call her amongst your friends one night and tell her what a good time you're having...if she sounds genuinely happy for you, marry her. If not, don't feel bad...it's in her nature. Lol.
I'm kidding, kind of. Women have caused me a lot of angst. But after years of horrible domestic situations, I am finally happy about everything around me. I love my bklyn boihood, I love casually entertaining the Brooklyn ladies, I love my surroundings and having something new to do every day. My life consists of 8 hours of work and 10 hours of play this summer. Women take up time, energy, money and sanity. If I embraced my feelings for any one girl, my life would consist of 24 hours of woman, either in the forefront or in the background of my life...I don't need the hassle.
................
With all that said, I still find myself torn. I say I want nothing to do with women, but in reality, I will love the shit out of a good woman. A good woman gives me life. I have no problem spending my spare energy finding ways to surprise her and make her smile, driving across the country and back for one day just to spend time with her, taking time off from my job to wine and dine her. I will dedicate myself to bettering the day of a woman who is worthy of my time, because I enjoy it. Infatuation is a spellbinding feeling, one that makes you risk the safety of your current contentment for someone who has a 100% chance of driving you crazy at some point.
But at the same time, I find myself wanting to find the pot of gold at the end of our rainbow community. I'm convinced there's a golden ticket hidden in someone's pants giving me all access passes to Brooklyn's chocolate factory. Some might call that whoredom, I call it curiosity. Again, don't judge me. My nose is wide open, I'm green to New York, and although I know the promise of what could be will never compare to the reality of my situation, the mere thought of anything impeding my romances with thousands of women blackens my soul a little bit.
So I'm screwed, right? No, my situation is working out perfectly. Luckily, I've been blessed with being introduced to an amazing woman who has no interest in being in a relationship. Since I don't have to worry about her trying to lock me down, all I'm left with is exploring my own aversion to getting close to another woman. Trust me, that may take months. I'll still be checking for her until then...and maybe we can get something done in the fall. But just being around her makes me question if I can wait that long to give her my full attention. My dreams of plentiful Brooklyn summer loving might have to be deferred.
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Reader Comments (2)
once again: brilliant and for many reasons, some of which i will enumerate--i heart broooooooklyn! (just had to say that.) women, butches, bois, aggressives, AGs, dykes--i adore them, love them, my heart beats polyrhythmic love songs for them HOWEVER sometimes i just wonder if i have the strength, emotional energy, will, breath, time to get all up in a love situation especially, yesyesyes, ESPECIALLY considering the season, LOL. when i forget how many beautiful dykes are in this city and how all the beauty floods the streets when the sun comes out at this time of the year, my peoples always remind me. i love your sense of humor, comedic timing etc, i also adore how you show us your heart (circa 3rd to last paragraph.) the vulnerability of a dyke is almost always what moves me the most. signing off now. keep writing, keep posting.
I love this AJ! Fyi, you have officialy graduated and retired Shy brother! If i could offer some words of wisdom before I depart: NEVER trust big boobs and a smile hahaha... But no seriously, great blog as usual!